Monday, November 17, 2014

*update*



update:

*life has gotten better*

anxiety is controlled

our little family is happier than ever

daddy is working now <thank you Jesus>

genesis is growing and her creative side is showing

holidays are just around the corner and bringing warmth and joy into our home...

here are pictures of what we have been up to within the past couple weeks...


genesis and her nana hung out with doc mcstuffins



here she is in her comfy fall outfit
my little apostolic girl  :)


she is so well behaved even when she has to wait and wait for mommy and daddy to run a few errands


me loving my new beanie from target.


waiting for daddy to come home from work


genesis in her sunday's best.
of course she could not forget her "wolfie"
"wolfie" has to go to church, too.


our family after church


my new motto

                 
                                   trying out a new do'                                  


                                          
                           




i am so grateful for all our growths and blessings...
praying for a wonderful holiday season from our family to yours

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

birthday weekend


two celebrations happened this weekend.

1) celebrating 11 years of being baptized in Jesus' name!
all i can say is..."God is Good!"

2) celebrating my 26th birthday!
thank You Jesus! i survived another year! 

here is how we celebrated...


my hubby bought me these beauties. 
sunflowers: my fave  :)


had an amazing breakfast at one of my favorite places (thanks to my mother-in-law).
those pancakes were so good, if you love all things pumpkin then you'll need to try them.


here we are doing what we do best...shopping at target.


this is how we roll. 
can't wait to embarrass genesis when she is older.


and here we are struggling to take a family photo. both genesis and i were done for the day

it was a nice and relaxing weekend making memories and enjoying each others company. 

heres to many more!!!





remembering grandma



we remembered my grandma this month. 
she passed away three years ago but it still feels like yesterday. i know that she is in a better place with her loved ones enjoying the heavenly presence of God and His beauty. i imagine her walking the streets of gold hand in hand with her creator and smiling so greatly taking in all around her.
at times i think she is sitting under a humongous tree having conversations with her juan (my grandpa) telling him about all of us still here and having tea with her family that have passed before her. 

these are things that comfort me reminding me that her passing is not something to be saddened by but to rejoice in knowing that she will no longer suffer here on earth. that she is the blessed one to finally see God face to face. 

i hope she knows how grateful i am for her and how much time i wish i could take back and spend it with her. i hope she knows that i love her and miss her dearly and that i wished she was here to meet genesis. i miss her fragile hands and her faithfulness to our family. she was strong even though she was weak, she saw our beauty even though she could not see and she comforted us even though her memory of who we were faded as time passed. 
she is the women that i get my fighting strength from and i am forever grateful to call her grandma.


grandma comforting me 


the picture on our dinning table is the last picture she took before her passing. richard and i asked if she can be apart of our engagement photos...little did we know it was the last time we saw her at her home. 

We Love You Grandma!

Forever in Our Hearts

Teresa O. Ruiz





Friday, September 19, 2014

rough morning



had a rough morning with anxiety so i decided to share it on our channel...


Monday, September 15, 2014

the most wonderful time of the year...well almost!


fall...only a couple more days until the season changes to my favorite season and time of the year. although, where we live fall does not look as beautiful as this...


one of my many lifetime goals is to visit a place that has these types of leaves all around, smell the cold fresh air and maybe just maybe make a leaf pile just to jump in.

one day i'll get there but for now, i can enjoy the fall with a few of my favorite things.


coats, sweaters, layers anything to make me feel nice and cozy  :)


sipping and/or drinking chocolate. 
if you are a chocolate lover like i am, you need to try this rich deliciousness.
mmmm...


and of course candles!
what better way to smell fall right inside your home.

these are a some scents that really put a smile on my face:

heirloom pear - bath and body works
mulled cider - christmas gift 
sweet cinnamon pumpkin - bath and body works
autumn - bath and body works
better homes: spicy cinnamon stick - wal*mart
cinnamon coffee cake - my sister gave it to me

and of course some wonderful books to read on a cold rainy day. 

i am counting down the days that fall is here and i cant wait!

praying for a wonderful new season full of happiness, peace and health and lets not forget HOPE!








Sunday, September 7, 2014

here we go...


my family and i are finally sharing our story on YouTube! 

take a look and subscribe   :)




Thursday, September 4, 2014

some brave exciting news

my husband and i are happy/nervous/scared/excited to announce that we will be having our very own youtube channel. 
this is a huge step/commitment for us to do, but i feel that this would be a huge blessing to our family. you see, because of my anxiety we struggle to be outgoing...very outgoing. and i thought that this would help us (specifically me) go outside other than the driveway and work. I also thought that it can be a blessing to others that may deal with anxiety and show them that by faith and a little push you can live life. 
i still have a couple things to work on before we launch our first video but I will definitely keep you posted.

Blessings!







Tuesday, September 2, 2014

home decor...work with what you have

i love our little home...it has its wear and tear but that's what i love about it. 
i guess that's why i love the rustic style of decor, i love working with what i have. if something is old and falling apart, i like to see what i can turn it into. 

my daughter's bookshelf
its not perfectly painted (we ran out of paint) but i actually like the look of it. 
since space is limited, i placed all her shoes in a laundry basket.


our kitchen cupboard
i love this piece. 


side cart
one word...ikea


our nook
it's this weird space in between our living room and kitchen. we really didn't know what to do with it so i decided to store blankets on top as well as frames in the center with a place to hold our keys.

top part of nook

bottom part of nook
here we store mail and i placed a side dresser to de-clutter our living room. i place books and a puzzle for Genesis to play with.


reading corner
can't wait to read books to Genesis on rainy days in this chair


i feel so inspired to do small projects like these all over the house. stay tuned for more.








Tuesday, August 19, 2014

writers block and milestones





i have writers block.

i have been wanting to blog since my last post but the words would not come to me.
i just wonder what else should i share on this blog other than my journey with anxiety. as much as i like to share my story i also want to share positive events and random things, like what my family did this week or sharing things that i like from food, beauty products to tv, etc...i don't know?????
my cousin's wife, who also is a blogger, said that i should vlog. i thought about it, but the truth is, i am a little nervous of what people may think. i shouldn't be nervous, but i am.
so there are a lot of things to think about. 
if you read this and you think that it would be nice to see blog posts on what is listed above let me know. i would appreciate your feedback. 

ok. so here are the milestones:
1. my daughter is walking!!! HALLELUJAH!
2. my therapy sessions are really helping me with my anxiety. there is an exercise that i do to prepare my mind before an event that would normally cause anxiety and it has helped tremendously. 
it's pretty much a step-by-step self talk exercise that encourages and reassures me that everything is going to be okay. 
before, what would go through my mind was fear, doubt what-ifs etc..but now i change them to hope, joy, excitement, peace and the list goes on.

these milestones are huge and i am grateful there happening!!! 





Friday, July 25, 2014

psalm 139

God’s Perfect Knowledge of Man

For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

139 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.[c]
21 Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

during my therapy session yesterday, my therapist had me read out loud Psalm 139.
i felt so reassured and loved by God. it was the perfect way to end a session.  



as we get older and life occurs and our daily routine starts to take up our quality time with God we tend to forget how precious His words are toward us.
we forget what it is like to have the faith of a child.
we forget that even if our faith is the size of a mustard seed it can still move mountains.
we also forget how God sees us and because of that, we forget who we are.
during any sickness, disease, fear, worry etc...
we focus so much on the doubts and what-ifs.
i know i did. i know that i still do.
we tell ourselves that it is only human of us to think that way.
but the truth is, we are children of a Heavenly Father who is there to physically, emotionally and spiritually embrace us.
Let us not forget where we came from and what we were taught. Engrave it in your hearts, memorize His word and stay encouraged. for there is hope to the hopeless,
strength to the weary
and healing for the sick.
pray for one another and support eachother.
be encouraged. 

Friday, July 18, 2014

enough said.



the verse above has been engraved into my heart forever.

how comforting are His words...

 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil,
to give you a future and a hope."

the fact that God thinks of me is amazing.
the fact that He takes the time to plan my life out from His busy schedule is priceless.
the fact that He wants peace in my life restores my joy and faith.

God has a plan, He knows why we go through what we go through, He knows what we can handle and He allows us to go through trials and tribulations to strengthen us day by day.

as much as i write to encourage others, i am also encouraging myself to keep the faith and look forward to the future, after all that's what God is aiming for, that's what He is hoping for.


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

...a rainy day...

monday and tuesday of this week were a little gloomy, it even drizzled a little but i did not mind it at all. i loved smelling the refreshing sent of wet dirt and seeing all of God's creations get watered by Him.

So since it was one of those gloomy fall-like days...we decided to have a rainy day schedule at home.

that included...


watching God water our flowers.


reading our favorite rhyming book to genesis.


and of course, she decided to read to us, too.


teaching her that no matter what the weather may bring, she makes us happy.


and introducing my husband to one of my favorite fall-like movies for the first time. he loved it!


and of course, remembering romans 8:28



just think...



you're here not by chance but by God's choosing.

His hand formed you and made you the person you are.

He compares you to no one else-
YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND.

You lack nothing that His grace can't give you.

He has allowed you to be here at this time in history
to fulfill His special PURPOSE FOR THIS GENERATION.

- roy lessin

Sunday, July 13, 2014

one million reasons why...


this is my daughter, genesis.
this little girl right here is why i do what i do. she is why i pull myself out of bed to go to work, she is why i am finally seeing a christian therapist to help with my anxiety and she is why i am writing my blog. 
i thank God for my precious daughter, after all it took 31hrs of labor for me to see here face to face, and after all that work to get her here, i want to enjoy every minute of her.
she has changed our lives so much and has pushed me to be a better person. i hope to be a positive example in her life and i pray that she learns how important God is in our lives. 
He loved us so much that He entrusted us with her and for that i am forever grateful. 
my deepest desire for her as a mother: that her love for God is so great, that whoever enters her life will need to search God's heart in order to find hers. 
baby girl, you are a million reasons why...
i love you and i am excited to see what the future holds for our family.



Friday, July 11, 2014

-its's barley 9am and it already hit me-





the picture above pretty much sums up what one feels when going through anxiety.
i already went through all those feelings within the first 3hrs of my day.
it all started with an "abnormal feeling" in my heart which caused the whole ride to work stressful. even though my sister was right next to me i didn't want to tell her.
as i got of the car and walked toward my work building, i really thought i was going to pass out. i felt like my heart was going to drop right then and there.
thankfully, i made it to my office without passing out, but i felt horrible. i wanted to cry, i wanted to go home and i wanted to crawl under my desk and rock my self back and forth.
you may wonder, how in the world can that symptom cause all that fear??? well, it can. anxiety paralyzes your state of mind.
i'm glad i got through this one.
i survived another episode, it was not pretty and death felt so close but i made it, thank God.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

new hobby


i love these beauties...


i have found it very relaxing watering my little plants in hopes to start a bigger garden in the future. 
ever since i was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and anxiety i really look at life a whole lot differently then i did before. i used to just pass God's creations by and not really appreciate there beauty, but now i really stop to smell the roses. i love them and they make me happy  :)
i also have found a huge liking to art and the idea of restoring old furniture to a rustic style. it is one of my goals this summer to redo one of our coffee tables and hopefully find other pieces to transform our home decor to my ideal style...rustic/country garden. if you have any DIY ideas on gardening or restoration, let me know. i would love to hear them. 
i encourage any of you struggling with anxiety, sickness, fear etc...to start a hobby. it's not just to distract you from your problems but bring you happiness and peace. 

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

in the beginning...

at 11 days old i had my first open heart surgery and at 2 1/2 years old i had my second and hopefully my last. i knew at an early age, God took a little more time putting me together. 
as i grew i hardly ever had any abnormal symptoms or difficulties enjoying life...well almost any. as much as i enjoyed running around like a crazy little girl, i couldn't really play my hardest because i would get tired faster than others...but other than that, i couldn't complain. life was great for the first 20 years of my life. 
a little before i turned 21 i started having some "abnormal symptoms." i remember going into a panic every time my heart would feel like it froze and then palpitate so many times in a row. this caused me great fear. this is when i became very anxious about how i felt physically and it has not changed since.
after finding out what was wrong i was put on medication and started feeling normal again. 
time had past, i met the love of my life at church, got married, and had our beautiful baby girl all within 4 years (i know, i know that was fast). three months after having our daughter, something was not right. i was extremely fatigued, swollen and would wake up sometimes with shortness of breath. i wanted to ignore the signs but i couldn't. thankfully i had a scheduled echo appointment right on time. right away i received the call, "you have congestive heart failure and you might need a device inserted (like a pacemaker) along with all these medications to help control your heart..." i was devastated...all i could think about was my family. i mean my husband and i had just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary and our baby girl just arrived a couple months before-how could i leave them behind, how could i leave her without her mommy (oh Lord here come the tears). my heart sunk. as much as i wanted to be strong and know that God was going to carry us through it all, i wasn't. 
after that call and of course telling my husband and mom i went into the bathroom and cried. i was afraid, i was upset and all i could say is, "thank you God for allowing us to catch this early." and of course i told Him how afraid i was and how much i needed Him because i really felt so emotionally weak. was my heart strong enough to take it, i asked Him. then i remembered His word and how He would never give us more than we can bare. i felt encouraged at that moment but my anxiety and fears didn't allow any encouragement to last.
days passed and so did months and although i started to feel better physically, i fell into a huge depression. i couldn't get out of bed let alone the house. i was afraid, what if something happens when i leave the house, what if i get shortness of breath, what if i go into cardiac arrest-i mean the list goes on and on. 
even the things i used to enjoy i stopped doing, like driving, going to church, going outside. i was paralyzed. i lost friends, my family really didn't understand and i felt so insecure about who i was. 
all of this was the beginning, all of this changed my life and all of this is being opened up to you because it is about time that i share how (with the help of my family and God) i am still here today. i boldly open my mouth and share with you who i am. i am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a child of God. i may not have the ministry to sing (i wished i did) or play an instrument (i am so tone deaf) but i have my hands and i pray that whatever comes out of my typing tendinitis fingers that it touches your heart and that you may feel hopeful and encouraged to go on. 
one of my favorite sayings is (i'm not sure if this is a bible verse or not) but here it goes: WHILE THERE IS LIFE, THERE IS HOPE! 
So here is to hope! it is what God has placed in my heart, my healing heart...HOPE!