Tuesday, August 19, 2014

writers block and milestones





i have writers block.

i have been wanting to blog since my last post but the words would not come to me.
i just wonder what else should i share on this blog other than my journey with anxiety. as much as i like to share my story i also want to share positive events and random things, like what my family did this week or sharing things that i like from food, beauty products to tv, etc...i don't know?????
my cousin's wife, who also is a blogger, said that i should vlog. i thought about it, but the truth is, i am a little nervous of what people may think. i shouldn't be nervous, but i am.
so there are a lot of things to think about. 
if you read this and you think that it would be nice to see blog posts on what is listed above let me know. i would appreciate your feedback. 

ok. so here are the milestones:
1. my daughter is walking!!! HALLELUJAH!
2. my therapy sessions are really helping me with my anxiety. there is an exercise that i do to prepare my mind before an event that would normally cause anxiety and it has helped tremendously. 
it's pretty much a step-by-step self talk exercise that encourages and reassures me that everything is going to be okay. 
before, what would go through my mind was fear, doubt what-ifs etc..but now i change them to hope, joy, excitement, peace and the list goes on.

these milestones are huge and i am grateful there happening!!! 





Friday, July 25, 2014

psalm 139

God’s Perfect Knowledge of Man

For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

139 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.[c]
21 Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

during my therapy session yesterday, my therapist had me read out loud Psalm 139.
i felt so reassured and loved by God. it was the perfect way to end a session.  



as we get older and life occurs and our daily routine starts to take up our quality time with God we tend to forget how precious His words are toward us.
we forget what it is like to have the faith of a child.
we forget that even if our faith is the size of a mustard seed it can still move mountains.
we also forget how God sees us and because of that, we forget who we are.
during any sickness, disease, fear, worry etc...
we focus so much on the doubts and what-ifs.
i know i did. i know that i still do.
we tell ourselves that it is only human of us to think that way.
but the truth is, we are children of a Heavenly Father who is there to physically, emotionally and spiritually embrace us.
Let us not forget where we came from and what we were taught. Engrave it in your hearts, memorize His word and stay encouraged. for there is hope to the hopeless,
strength to the weary
and healing for the sick.
pray for one another and support eachother.
be encouraged. 

Friday, July 18, 2014

enough said.



the verse above has been engraved into my heart forever.

how comforting are His words...

 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil,
to give you a future and a hope."

the fact that God thinks of me is amazing.
the fact that He takes the time to plan my life out from His busy schedule is priceless.
the fact that He wants peace in my life restores my joy and faith.

God has a plan, He knows why we go through what we go through, He knows what we can handle and He allows us to go through trials and tribulations to strengthen us day by day.

as much as i write to encourage others, i am also encouraging myself to keep the faith and look forward to the future, after all that's what God is aiming for, that's what He is hoping for.


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

...a rainy day...

monday and tuesday of this week were a little gloomy, it even drizzled a little but i did not mind it at all. i loved smelling the refreshing sent of wet dirt and seeing all of God's creations get watered by Him.

So since it was one of those gloomy fall-like days...we decided to have a rainy day schedule at home.

that included...


watching God water our flowers.


reading our favorite rhyming book to genesis.


and of course, she decided to read to us, too.


teaching her that no matter what the weather may bring, she makes us happy.


and introducing my husband to one of my favorite fall-like movies for the first time. he loved it!


and of course, remembering romans 8:28



just think...



you're here not by chance but by God's choosing.

His hand formed you and made you the person you are.

He compares you to no one else-
YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND.

You lack nothing that His grace can't give you.

He has allowed you to be here at this time in history
to fulfill His special PURPOSE FOR THIS GENERATION.

- roy lessin

Sunday, July 13, 2014

one million reasons why...


this is my daughter, genesis.
this little girl right here is why i do what i do. she is why i pull myself out of bed to go to work, she is why i am finally seeing a christian therapist to help with my anxiety and she is why i am writing my blog. 
i thank God for my precious daughter, after all it took 31hrs of labor for me to see here face to face, and after all that work to get her here, i want to enjoy every minute of her.
she has changed our lives so much and has pushed me to be a better person. i hope to be a positive example in her life and i pray that she learns how important God is in our lives. 
He loved us so much that He entrusted us with her and for that i am forever grateful. 
my deepest desire for her as a mother: that her love for God is so great, that whoever enters her life will need to search God's heart in order to find hers. 
baby girl, you are a million reasons why...
i love you and i am excited to see what the future holds for our family.



Friday, July 11, 2014

-its's barley 9am and it already hit me-





the picture above pretty much sums up what one feels when going through anxiety.
i already went through all those feelings within the first 3hrs of my day.
it all started with an "abnormal feeling" in my heart which caused the whole ride to work stressful. even though my sister was right next to me i didn't want to tell her.
as i got of the car and walked toward my work building, i really thought i was going to pass out. i felt like my heart was going to drop right then and there.
thankfully, i made it to my office without passing out, but i felt horrible. i wanted to cry, i wanted to go home and i wanted to crawl under my desk and rock my self back and forth.
you may wonder, how in the world can that symptom cause all that fear??? well, it can. anxiety paralyzes your state of mind.
i'm glad i got through this one.
i survived another episode, it was not pretty and death felt so close but i made it, thank God.